Ode to Diet Coke

Dear Diet Coke,

I miss you so much that it hurts.

It has been 2 weeks, 1 day, 3 hours and about 15 minutes since we have been together.

I know you are there, but I will not have you.

I have seen you in the mall, the grocery store, on tv ads.

I stopped in my tracks at the sound of your familiar poptop.

Just hearing you fizz made my heart skip a beat.

Oh, how I miss the bubbles that sting my throat and tickle my nose.

Everywhere I turn, you are there.  I miss the feel of your ice cold can in my hand.

 Water is such loneliness.

Tea pales in comparison to your refreshment.

No one can find your kind of fun in coffee. 

Kids say the darndest things: Caleb version

Two weekends ago as we were getting ready to drop him off at childcare for Parent's Night Out at church:
"Mom, I am really getting tired of you abandoning us all the time so that you can go out on dates with Daddy."

Nice try, son. You almost had us, but not quite.   We continued with our plans and abandoned him for 3 whole hours while he played video games and basketball at church.

Fast forward to this past weekend as Caleb was getting prepared to go to an overnight sleepover lasting from 4pm until 9 am the next day:
"Caleb, we are really getting tired of you abandoning our family to go to birthday parties.  We think you should stay home."  (wink, wink)

But that turkey did not miss a beat, he replied, "But, Mom, I will be having fun when I go."

There you go.

How's that for good driving?

Yesterday, the boys and I were in the van headed to drop Jonathan off at a birthday party.  We were not late, but there was not a lot of cushion either so I was driving fairly quickly through a green light at an intersection.  This intersection was a little higher than the road so I was able to get the van to catch some air and we felt like we were flying for a few milliseconds. 

Jonathan said, "Wow, Mom.  That felt like a rollercoaster.  My penis was flying through the air."

Well.  I have nothing to add to that one. 

There you go.

Pork fat rules in the gym, too.

This morning, I was working out with my trainer at his gym.   Jeremy brought the boys about halfway through my work out because he had to go to Cub Scout training.  He was looking mighty dapper in that Grown Man Scout Uniform, let me tell you. Psst: Not really.  I think that the grown men look a little silly. But the boys look so so cute!!  I do applaud him for the effort that he puts forth with Scouts and with our boys so I overlooked the uniform and greeted him with a kiss.  He got the boys occupied in the foyer so that I could finish up the last half of my workout. 

All was going well:   Jeremy was on his way to training.  Kids were patiently waiting doing whatever.   I was working up good sweat while chatting with my trainer about my eating plan and how following it would ensure losing another 2 pounds this week. 

 Between my repetitions of seated rows,  I heard a small disturbance come from around the corner in the foyer.  The boys were struggling about something.  They settled down soon enough, but I still thought that I should take a look at them.  After I finished that set, I used my luxuriously-long 45 second break to waltz over to see what was up.

I wish that I had had a camera, but I never ever expected to see anything like this.  Guess, I should take some scout training myself and "Always Be Prepared."

Let me describe for you the scene:
Jonathan was sitting in the chair playing the DS game.  (You may recall that I have a love hate hate hate relationship with the DS from this post)

Let me continue: 

Jonathan was sitting in the chair playing the DS game with Caleb's head so close that you might have thought that they were connected.  Both boys' eyes were glued to the small screen.  As I wiped my sweaty brow, imagine my surprise when I saw the bacon.  Bacon? Yes. Bacon. 
 
Jonathan had a piece of bacon hanging out of his mouth that his brother was holding for him.   Caleb was shoving it in as Jonathan chewed.  All while never missing a beat with  the video game.  

Being the good Cub Scout family that we are, we have taught them the buddy system.  Stick together with your buddy and help him out as needed.  We encourage them to use it and praise them when they do.  But, I never, ever thought  that they would use it as a food delivery method for a buddy who was in the middle of a video game. 

It was wrong on so many levels, y'all.  I shook my head in disbelief, shock, and a tiny bit of shame as I headed back to my work out. 

You may be asking yourself, "Why did they have bacon?"  Obviously, it was because they needed it to round out the breakfast of donuts and chocolate milk that they also had with them.  I mean, what is the use of massive amounts of trans fats and high fructose corn syrup if you can't wash it down with a little pork fat?

The worst part of it was when my trainer asked me what had happened.  I could not think fast enough to make up a better story so I told him the ugly truth all while avoiding eye contact with him.  All I could do was to try to laugh it off.  Oh well. Parents of the Year Award goes to.....

Before you think that I am just throwing Jeremy under the bus for giving this stuff to the kids, I need to confess:   After my work out last Saturday,  I bought them donut holes and chocolate milk, too. Also, I have no problem with them eating bacon, just, maybe, not at the gym.  And maybe, just maybe, they could manage to tear themselves away from the DS long enough to feed themselves rather than using the buddy system.

There you go!

Have you ever had a friend that you haven't spoken to in a long time and as time drags on, you start to wonder what you might have done to make them upset and not call? You ask yourself, "What did I say that made them mad?" and replay your last conversation analyzing every word for what you might have done wrong. You get the picture.

I think that my blog has started to wonder what it has done to offend me.

I have not written in many months. However, I have started a few blogs but left them unfinished. (I am holding out hope that this one gets completed. The jury is still out.)

Never fear, my dear blog, you and I are ok. We're good. I am not mad at you. You have not offended me. I just lost my voice for a little while, but it might be coming back little by little.

To say the least, my life has been different and difficult since April. Sometimes, I have to use my sheer determination to fight off grief. If you who know me, you know that I am quite determined. Sometimes, though, grief does not care how determined I am. It creeps up when I least expect it and I find myself defenseless (or so it may seem at first glance.)

Like today, I was driving to Bible study and I had the urge to call my mom as I have done on Wednesday mornings for the past few years. I reached over to pick up the phone and then WHAM! I get the sudden realization (again) that I can call, but she will not answer.

It hit me like a ton of bricks right in the middle of my chest. Seriously, this is a physical pain that I feel. It made me feel so vulnerable and disempowered. In a strange way, I had to go through the intense feelings of losing her again in that moment. I was flooded with grief and confusion mixed with guilt and anger. I scolded myself thinking, "How could you let that happen again? You know that your mother has died. How could you forget? What kind of daughter are you?"

Once I was done with the scolding and needed to deal with the emotions at hand, all I knew to do is to pray for comfort and peace. (which is doing quite a lot, actually.)

Sometimes comfort comes in the form of a distraction, or a task that awaits demanding my full attention, or a sweet friend that calls to chat, or simply a song. Today, it was a song. When the worship leader started playing the hymn, "Because He Lives" and I realized what we were singing, I felt like God was giving me a big hug. I am so thankful for that. I really needed it. I prayed and comfort came. Thanks for thinking of me God.

I CAN face uncertain days because He lives.
Hey, I finished a blog post! There you go!!

Linda's Big Debut

Here it is!! I am so excited about it! Seeing it on television certainly made today a little easier to handle. It took my mind off the fact that today is one month without my mom, at least for a few minutes. I still am sad, but also feel giddy about this. Funny how everything comes back to her. Everything. She was so proud of me for getting to do this and was certain that I was destined to be the new HEB spokesperson. I seriously doubt that, but it was a very fun one-of-a-kind experience. I wish she could see it, but am happy to share it with you.

PS. I know that I owe you a conclusion to the whole shooting the commercial story. I had decided that I would probably never finish it since now I live in the "After Mom Died" part of my life and I had started writing it in the "Before" section.

But now, for some reason, I think that I can finish it. I hope that it won't be a let down with all this hype about it.

Yesterday, I was indignantly questioning God's timing.
Today, I thank Him for it.

Movies and Meatloaf Sandwiches

After the boys completed their to do lists yesterday, we went to see the new Night at the Museum movie. As promised, I let the boys get a treat at the movie. I am a pushover so they got to spend $5 instead of the $3 they earned. I told them that they got a bonus for having such good attitudes. Quick thinking, don't you agree?

As I was purchasing the snacks for the kids, I turned around to catch a glimpse of Jeremy. He was wandering around the atrium looking at the movie posters and eating a piece of cheese. Yes, I said CHEESE. He had brought his own snack to the movies and had the audacity to open up the plastic wrapper and eat it right there in broad daylight in front of God and everyone.

I shook my head at him and motioned for him to put it away. I could not believe him. My reaction to this harmless piece of cheese was certainly was a little exaggerated, even for me. Then it all came back to me as I started having flashbacks from my childhood.

Picture if you will the early 80's. A savvy mother prepares to take her tall daughter and red headed young son to the movies. She is on a budget so she plans ahead and packs a snack in her purse for the children who are bound to get hungry while there. At the movies, the group finds seat and the lights dim.

Sure enough, hunger strikes. The mother whips out her prepared snack for the kids: warm meatloaf sandwiches. Unaware of the contents (or maybe we...er, um... I mean, they did know the contents), they take her offerings and open up the ziploc baggies that she hands them. As soon as the baggies open, the tall daughter realizes that the unmistakable smell of the meatloaf is wafting its way throughout the theater. She feels her face redden and turns to her mother in shock and horror making a face that says clearly, "How could you do this to me?"

The other patrons smell it too and begin to turn around to find the source of the smell. The daughter quickly shoves the sandwich into her lap and pretends to look for the source as well. She is sorely embarrassed but still hungry. She quickly devours the odoriferous, yet comfortingly savory, sandwich while no one is looking and hopes that the smell of meatloaf will dissipate quickly.

Aaah, memories of childhood and the smell of meatloaf sandwiches, there's nothing like it!

There you go!

A spoonful of sugar!

What a great day we have had today! I planned ahead and made "I Love You, Mom To Do Lists" for all the members of our family and left them for the boys. I awoke to the glorious sound of my children scampering through the house whispering about how they were going to wipe the bathroom countertops and make their beds just like the list said. Really, how much better can it get than that?

I am reading a book called Sanity in the Summertime by Linda Dillow and Claudia Arp. I adapted the I Love you mom list from this. In the book they recognize that often moms set up many different types of chore charts that are motivational for a short time, but then the charts fall by the wayside. I do the same thing, and usually end up feeling like a failure for not keeping up with it. The authors had the same tendencies, but they realized that it was normal and just kept making efforts with various chore charts. The I Love You, Mom Chart is just a one time checklist of things to do before going on a fun excursion.

I think that my boys liked doing this because there was the hope of the payoff at the end, and also because they had a finite list of things to do. Usually, they are willing to do chores and help out, but become frustrated when I continue to come up with things that need to be done. This way, they knew that they were done when all the spaces were checked. The list that I used today looked like this for each boy:

Note the fun things included in the list just to keep them going!

We are going to see Night at the Museum at 1:45. We will need to leave for the movies about 45 minutes before it starts to make sure we get there in time to get tickets.

Read the entire list before doing it. You may do the things in any order.

Caleb's I Love you Mom List:

_____ Clean up around desk... beneath, beside, on top etc.

_____ Clean up clothes and other stuff that has fallen off onto the closet floor. Hang up clothes if needed.

______ Give mom a kiss.

______ Bless the Family by doing a job that needs to be done, but is not on this list. YOUR chance to HONOR!!

_______ Pick up all your stuff of of your room floor. Tidy up!

_____ Make sure Libby is out of her kennel.

______ Pet Libby and tell her how much you love her.

______Wipe down bathroom countertops with a clorox wipe.

______ Swiffer the hardwood floors.

_______ Give Dad a hug.

______ Dust living room.

_______ Put away clothes from your tub.

_______ Bring completed list to mom for a chance to spend $3.00 to spend at the movies.

Jonathan's I Love you Mom List

______ Clean off desk top. Make it look nice and neat.

______ Give Dad a Kiss.

______ Bless the Family by doing a job that needs to be done, but is not on this list. YOUR chance to HONOR!!

_______ Pick up all your other stuff off of the floor of your room and tidy it up.

______ Put away the pile that is on the dining room chair.. even if it is Caleb's stuff. Most is yours anyway, I think.

_______ Feed Tom

________ Push the I feel good button for Tom.

________ Wipe off your bathroom toilet with clorox wipes... get the pee off the bottom of the toilet too, please. Throw wipes away and don't wipe the pee anywhere else.

______ Tidy up the sports equipment, helmets, bats, ball and stuff in the garage.

_______ Give Mom a hug.

_______ Use the glass cleaner to clean the back door glass and the kitchen table.

________ Put away clothes from your tub.

________ Give this completed list to mom for a chance to spend $3.00 at the movies!!

The list only took me about 10 minutes to create. It was motivational for the boys and was a great for preventing complaining and bad attitude: Both boys were done with their lists by 9:00 am. I need to remember to put more on them in the future!!

On another note, I am just keeping it real by leaving in all the chores for Jonathan including the pee wiping! If you know me, you know that pee on the toilet is an ongoing problem in our family. I tell him that when he is a grown up and has a house of his own, I am going to come and tee-tee all over his guest room bathroom just like he does to mine. We have worked and worked on that one with those boys. I am out of ideas so now I just have them clean it. I usually go behind them and clean too, but it is the principle, you know!

Have a great Memorial Day!

Now for the rest of the story and a little extra.

How did I fracture my humerus? I was deep in the Toro Negro rainforest in Puerto Rico on an "adventure" involving some hiking, climbing and zip-lining. Well, I think that there was zip-lining, but I don't personally know since I slipped and fell off the waterfall that I was climbing before I could get there.




Yep, I worked hard for 12 weeks anticipating zipping through the rainforest conquering fears and breaking down barriers. Before my mom passed away, I had thought that doing this adventure would signal some sort of "new me." I really had high expectations of this event. Instead, I broke my shoulder before I could get there. I had worried that I would be afraid and chicken out, but I did not worry about injuring myself. I had told mom about the trip and our adventure plans. Always a protector, she didn't totally approve of it, worrying that it might be too dangerous. Just goes to show that I might should have listened to my mother just one last time. I guess I'll never learn.

And yes, we went on our trip even though I had buried my beloved mother the week before. I figured that the Lord knew when Mom was going to die and He knew when we were going to Puerto Rico and perhaps, his plan was for me to have some time away to grieve and not have to take care of anyone else. We knew the trip would be a different one from the one we had planned, but we tried to make the most of the days that we were given.

Back to the jungle. I guess that I should have realized that I might be in over my head when our tour guides stopped at the US Coast Guard to pick up three guys who were going on the tour with us. Maybe, just maybe, I should have clued in when we had to sign our lives away on the liability forms. However, the most telling sign of all was when I overheard a young lady ask her Coast Guard hubby, "What year were you born, honey?" I nearly fainted when he responded, "1988."

1988 !?!!!?!

Seriously, I was a sophomore in high school in 1988 and had probably not even heard of Puerto Rico by then. And you are telling me that this guy who was born in 1988 is an adult, married and in the Coast Guard? Jeremy's 38 and my 37 years made us look like the grandpa and grandma in the group.

How did that happen? We were just on our honeymoon...uh....oh... 14 years ago.

Oh well. "Hand me my teeth and Centrum Silver, Jeremy. We're going on an Adventure with a capital A!"

As we made our hour long journey to the rain forest in our maroon 15 passenger van, I joked with all the young whippersnappers that it felt like we were on some reality television show. I could just see it, "Eleven contestants from all over the US, brought together by their desire for adventure.... now facing the peril of the jungle " Cue intro music. The others all laughed in agreement as I said, "I just hope we don't get stranded out there and have to decide which of us we have to eat in order to survive. I have never been fond of cannibalism."

Below: That's me , Jokey McJokester getting ready to go! Note all the young 'uns with me.
I don't look that out of place, do I?
Don't answer that.

After snacking on some fresh yummy bananas, they gave us our helmets and harnesses. We set off on the slippery path to the rainforest.

The water was cold and refreshing as we waded about waist deep through the rocky path. All of our fellow contestants, ... er, I mean, adventurers, were very helpful to one another by lending a steady arm or a word of encouragement as we trekked along.

And, I was doing great. My mantra was "It does not have to be pretty. It just has to get done." Honestly, it wasn't pretty at all as I already had huge scrapes on my legs and bumps and bruises everywhere before slipping into the tide pool at the bottom of the waterfall.

But, I was getting it done and that was all that mattered.

I was doing great...until I wasn't.

When I fell, we were climbing beside a smallish waterfall, about 8 feet high. The waterfall is usually more of a trickle, but because of all the rain (in the rain forest), it had worked up to a pretty good flow. I sure wish we had a picture of the waterfall, but my mind was not on photography at that moment.

I was having trouble getting my big feet in the small crevices. I was scared. It took me a few minutes to build up the courage to hoist myself up. When I did, my bottom foot slipped. I held on tightly with my right arm, spun around into the rock face with my shoulder. Then, the waterfall whooshed over me and plunged me down in to the pool at the bottom.

Falling was not that bad. In fact, once I felt the cold water rush over me, I remember thinking, "If that was the worst thing that could happen, then I am ready to tackle the climb again. Let me at it." However, I had an immediate change of heart as the sharp pain shot through my arm when I tried to raise it to get out of the water. I could not lift it at all. Frantically, I tried lifting it with my other arm, but I could not hold it up. It just fell back to my side and hung there throbbing with pain. I waited nervously for the others to finish this part of the trail and kept my arm under the cold water to help minimize the pain.

Finally, Jeremy and the tour guide decided that my adventure had come to an end. We took the "emergency exit" hike out of the jungle to wait for everyone else to climb the BIG waterfall. (They used a rope and harness on that one, by the way.) Once I found out about the emergency exit path, it sort of ticked me off that there was an "easy" way out of the trail the whole time. BUT, I guess that I should be glad for that trail or else I might have a new address. Something like 3 Waterfall Way.

As we maneuvered our way back out through the rocks and water, I began to realize how badly my arm hurt. Focusing on the guide's feet as he led me to the meeting point, I crawled, staggered, ran and did whatever it took to get myself there. I remember panting, "I'm going to throw up." Jeremy thought that I had just run out of energy, but the reality was that my arm hurt so badly that my stomach begged to be be emptied, IMMEDIATELY! At one point, I pleaded with the guide to just leave me there and come back to get me later. He just kept pushing forward. In retrospect, it was a good idea to keep me going, but I was really disgusted with him at the time.

Poor Jeremy chose to cut his adventure short and stay with his injured wife. I felt so badly for him. (and still do.) He says that he is not upset about it, but it sure is a bummer that he had to miss it because of me.

We waited at the top of the next big waterfall for everyone to climb up. He took a few shots of the scenery but did not feel like he should take any of me. Good call, dude. (This is not the big waterfall, either. It is a flat area near where we were sitting.)


Y'all, I was so brave. I was embarrassed and ashamed and really hurting. I was disappointed and disgusted. I wanted to cry and cry and cry. It was just a little too much to handle at the time. BUT, I used my one arm to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get through it. I even managed to make a little joke through it all:

After waiting about an hour for everyone to make it up the big waterfall, Jeremy and I rejoined the group and headed back down the trails to the van for lunch. As we hiked, I held my poor shoulder and pretended to plead with the others as we made our way to van, "Please, please vote me off the island! I just want to go home."

I might not be interviewing for any Survivor seasons in the near future, or ever, for that matter, but I am a survivor in ways that no reality show or rainforest adventure can ever show.

Hey, did I learn something about myself without doing the zip-line? Who would have thought??

There you go!

PS...After lunch, I stayed in the van while the others did the zip line in the pouring rain. Jeremy said that it was really exciting, but hard to enjoy since the rain pelted him in the face as he zipped along. I am glad that he had some adventure of his own, though!

Look what I did on my vacation...

Fractured humerus. Not Humorous!