The Little Engine that Could, Maybe.

I hit a mental wall the other day in my fitness journey.

I have a goal that I am trying to reach by May 6. I need to lose 8 pounds of fat. Not just any old 8 pounds, but 8 pounds of fat. Honestly, I would be perfectly satisfied with losing 8lb of anything that wanted to come off of my body with the exception of a limb or something. However, right now I am not in totally in charge of this journey, my trainer is. Therefore, we will do it his way, since my way has not worked for, oh... about 37 years now, so 8 lbs of fat it is. In fact, I lost 3 lbs the other day and we did not even celebrate because his calculations showed that I lost muscle mass. Who would have thought that I would EVER be anything less than ecstatic about a 3 lb loss?

In order to meet my May 6 goal, I do resistance 3x a week and cardio 4x a week and eat every 3 hours of the waking day. This looks exactly like what I have been doing since making this lifestyle change about a year ago. It has been working, and I know that.

But, the looming deadline is a new dynamic that is messing with my mind.

Why a deadline, you ask? I plan to zip line through the Puerto Rican rainforest the first week in May. Yes, I am serious. I decided to make this my next "Hard Thing." I need to lose 8 lbs to meet the weight requirement. (Humbling to put that out there on the internet, but I'll just count that as a hard thing, too)

We are 6 weeks out and I am still trying to play both sides of the fence. You know, have my cake and eat it, too. Honestly, I have not succumbed to cake, but too many carbs and sugars for sure!

Several times, I have told my trainer and my husband that I don't want to actually do the whole zip line thing. I want to take myself out of the game entirely. Up until now, I have been focused on the process of losing weight and being healthy and enjoying the benefits as they come to me. This new wrinkle adds an element that makes me uncomfortable. I am seeing what I am made of and I don't like it.

I know what I need to do. I know what it takes to get there. I have been doing it with much success.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. Can I?